shear stress.

this will probably be my only february post. i'm a slacker, what's new?

but actually, i'm not slacking. i'm on overdrive. i feel like i'm climbing ladders of endless endless piles of homework. this isn't an exaggeration. i haven't had a decent night's rest in a week. this isn't healthy. my skin is falling apart. my hair, lifeless. the bags under my eyes have weights on them. my eyes grow dimmer in imagination and hope. i feel like i'm losing myself to school. that is all i ever do, next to playing my cello until my fingers go numb.

here is a list of things i must do in the next week that i can remember at the top of my head (without my brain completely exploding all over this keyboard):
- Pride and Prejudice MWSG due Monday night.
- Chamber rehearsal from 6:30-8:30 MONDAY NIGHT
- Original Sonnet due... I don't even remember.
- Precalc test MONDAY.
- Pride and Prejudice Essay due Tuesday.
- Sport's Med Project on Antioxidants due Tuesday.
- FESTIVAL for 7 HOURS on Wednesday.
- Topic proposal for research paper due... Thursday?
- Policy proposal for government due Wednesday.
- UNLV Scholarship Audition SATURDAY.
Plus constant constant practicing that entire week until that Saturday approaches.

^ How? HOW am I supposed to finish all of this homework with all of this to do?!?!?!?!
really. i will almost guarantee you i will have a mental breakdown once or twice during this week. I'm not JESUS. I'm not GOD. I'm not superhuman! A lot of these things are going to be either dropped or done halfheartedly. if I wasn't such a perfectionist when it comes to doing projects and homework, I wouldn't be so stressed right now. but it's hard to settle for just mediocrity.

i am definitely not giving up on music though. No. Way. If anything, all of my heart is going into my cello. Because I want to do music in college. I want to prove that I still have potential and even though I haven't had a teacher in two years, I still have the same drive as I did back then. It's time to think about college. I'm just really... REALLY... so done with high school. It's obnoxious.

Thankfully, I'll be gone tomorrow taking my driver's test... that I'm almost positive I'm going to fail.
But at least it's a break.

To higher hopes and more sleep.

- C.