i got lost. i apologize for not posting regularly on here. it seems that i've been neglecting my blogging sites in general. i lost a purpose. i lost a drive. and i was so consumed with school. life was passing so quickly before me. i couldn't even think of anything too meaningful to write about because i took my perspective into a different direction. "school. school. school. being a better person. school. don't eat meat!" that's all my thought process has been this quarter. and it's been paying off.
no drama. no boys. nothing. i was absent of the essential components that provoked all of this emotional recall and creativity and meaning. but i can't revert back to this. i can't get distracted. love has done me no good all through high school. the only times i've ever found a fulfillment from falling in love was a long time ago. when the boy loved me back. but then that ended, and since then, i've just been chasing hopeless causes. i wish that i could give all my effort into finding a set of hands for my heart to reside in, but i just can't bare anymore hurt than i've experienced this year. there's this boy in my math class though that's really. really. cute. i don't think i've ever been so attracted to someone before... really. but there's always a glitch. he's got a girlfriend. go figure. why am i not surprised? anyway. that's all for my love life.... but not really.
i'm starting this new project for myself, where i write a letter almost everyday, to anyone i feel like saying something to. i started a week ago and i've been really into it. so far, i think i've written about 30 letters. it keeps my life interesting, poetic, and artistic. during spring break, i think i'm going to make another blogging site where i just post all of these anonymous letters. i'm so excited to share my heart with you.
there's also another boy in my life.... but he isn't anything new.
i guess you'll just have to read my letters to see who that is.
as for PROM. i don't even want to think about it. firstly, not getting asked. i'm sure there is no boy that likes me enough or sees me in that light to be kind enough to take me to prom. it's very sad! surely, you'd think that at least ONE person would like me enough to say, "hey. you're cool. let's go to prom!"or "you're blogs are neat, let's go to prom!" or "hey, you're a girl! and breathing! let's go to prom!" but... i really feel like all of these boys see me as a second or third choice. i am not anyone's #1. but i'm not desperate though. i don't want just any guy to ask me. i want to go with a guy that i'm comfortable with. someone that'll be so fun to dance with and party with and laugh with. so... i'm setting my expectations very very low. if anything... i'll go by myself! that'll be fine. lonely, but fine. i'll go with my friends. but still... it'd be nice to get asked :/
- c.
